To balance some gender-inequality
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
It irks me that I have left some gender-inequality lying around this blog. So let’s take my ANZAC day post and flip genders – as an experiment. I want to see if it still works – not as “what I as a guy expect as a girl” but as “what i as a guy imagine i would want if i were a girl”. Sounds fun? Let’s go.
Being a 19th century gentlewoman(*) in 21st century Australia is not about Class. Upper Class is about being born into privilege, inheriting money, connections, perhaps a job from parents rather than earning it themselves. Ich. Martin has not much respect for this kind of “success”. Lower Class is about whingeing about the Upper Class (that is, people who have X but don’t deserve X or haven’t earnt X), without doing anything about it yourself. Martin has not much respect for this kind of “misfortune”.
(*) probably a better term than “lady”.
[so far, so good.]
Being a “gentlemwoan” is about style. It’s about dressing up to go to the theatre. It’s about standing up and offering an elderly passenger your seat on the tram. It’s about holding the door for the person behind you.
[too easy!]
It’s about looking into someone’s eyes and smiling when you shake their hand, and saying “pleased to meet you”. It’s about being genuine and honest when talking to people, and not just following the Toorak Socialite pattern of conversation: “Well, I haven’t seen you since we were at Timbertop together. How are you doing with yourself? That’s wonderful! Well, I have to run back to Trinity to organise the ball. We must meet again!”. (yeah, right.)
It’s about respect for yourself; respect for others; respect for traditions (even when you’re trashing them). It’s about dressing up by wearing a top hat or furs, not by flashing a boob on national television. It’s about splurging occasionally on a designer skirt or shoes. It’s about looking good not out of vanity, but out of respect for yourself. It’s about caring for yourself with good food and exercise, not with a fashionable gym membership, a tanning salong and a Brazilian wax. (ouch.)
It’s about going to an expensive restaurant every so often. It’s about drinking expensive drinks in moderation, rather than the cheapest beer they’ve got, by the keg. (Although a $350 drink with gold leaf garnish is pushing even my budget.)
It’s about knowing what’s proper. It’s about wearing a hat and gloves when you go out sometimes. It’s about having a sense of humour; and being able to laugh at yourself. It’s about being generous; realising that building an enormous Victorian mansion with a ballroom effectively obliges you to host balls.
It’s about realising that a “ball” is not a university event at a nightclub with free Kahlua, but an occasion to dress up, meet people, hold conversations, and dance. That means there needs to be enough quiet and not-too-dark space to actually hold conversations. There needs to be enough light to admire what people are wearing.
It’s about taking compliments humbly, but not self-deprecatingly. It’s about giving more compliments than you receive, and giving them honestly. It’s about noticing a gentleman’s new hair, tie, or shoes, and commenting on it. (Everybody loves being complimented on their appearance. Even if they say they don’t.)
It’s about the combination of style and substance. All style and no substance makes Frank Abnagale Jr – any bank in the country will cash a piece of paper you’ve embossed with the words “this is a cheque… no really!”, but you’ll still feel unsatisfied. All substance and no style and you might as well blend in with the rest of the homogeneous crowds in Melbourne – walk around for a day in spray-on hipster jeans, rubber thongs and fake blonde hair to see what i mean. But the combination of both is what makes a 21st century gentlewoman. It’s what we mean by “gallantry”; “chivalry”; “gentlemanly conduct”. That’s what I’m talking about.
[see? that wasn't too painful now, was it?]
